Twitter and Other Pollution

 Being Better is about saying no to everything that is a time suck and adds no value.  For example, there is some stuff on the Internet and television that really needs to go away.  Let’s start with Twitter.  What a complete and utter waste of time.  I think of Twitter as Digital Litter.

Get Rid of Twitter

Here are some recent examples to illustrate my point:

I sware he better not do nuffn stupid I swaree

I put the lickin’ in Republickin, baby.  (That was from Michael Steele, the RNC genius)

Had tuna salad on celery sticks for lunch

“I’d rather tame a tiger then paint stripes on a kitty cat” words of wisdom (Kim “Why am I famous?” Kardashian)

These were taken word-for-word and are pretty representative of the garbage that dominates Twitter.  Thank God posts are limited to 14o words.   I mean do tweets do anything more than add clutter and noise to an already cluttered and noisy arena?   Ashton Kutcher has millions of followers.  How very weird and creepy.  And I do understand that corporate America is all over Twitter and adding their marketing savvy to the conversation.   Love getting Tweets from Kraft about their next contest or bbq flavored cheese.   I’m confident that if Twitter went away tomorrow there would be no impact on the GNP.  There certainly would be a slowing of the dumbing down of America.  And there would be a little less noise out there. 

I have unsubscribed and will have a nice long workout during the time I’m not on Twitter.

No more sideline reporters

Is there anything more irritating to a viewer or a coach, for that matter, to have someone shove a microphone in your face as you run off the field or court and ask”  “You just had your ass handed to you in the first half coach.  What are you going to tell your team in the locker room?” (This is the best f***king team we’ve ever played, so don’t feel bad when they get another four touchdowns.)   or  “Can you describe this feeling?”  (Somewhere between great sex and winning Madden 2010)

Here’s a few more gems: 

 “Knowing there was only one, one-hundredth of a second left on the clock, what were you thinking?”  (Uh, I forgot my dry cleaning)

  “Can you put this win/loss into perspective for us in terms of what it means to your team, your season, your program, your fans, your legacy, your recruiting, your salary, your bonus, your chances of being hired at an even bigger salary somewhere else, your next house and the ability to jack ticket prices up to the price of a car?”  (I mean,  it’s all about team, man.  The team could never have gotten here without me.)

 “What adjustments did you make at halftime?” (We took off our jocks.)  Another example of the absurdity of this zero sum job.  What coach will go on national television and say what changes they’ve made to stop the other team?  

  “We talked to the team trainer and Jermichael has a concussion, torn ACL, cramp, bad karma and will/will not/ might be back”  In case you didn’t know, what happens when a player might be injured as that the coach or trainer tells the team pr person, who in turn tells the broadcasting truck, who then tells the sideline reporter.  They could just do away with the sideline reporter and let the game play-by-play give the update.  And get rid of the sideline reporters.

You get the point.  The questions are inane.  They add nothing to our knowledge about what’s happening.  They are a time suck.  Oh, by the way, why are 95% of sideline reporters women? And hot women at that?   It doesn’t help their credibility to be placed into a sort of bimbo position by asking jocks mind-numbingly stupid questions.  I think we’d all be better off if they just stood in front of the camera and displayed their hotness…no talking.  Oh wait, they have those.  They’re called cheer leaders. (Another incredible waste of time, money and energy.)   There are maybe three male sideline reporters total in all sport…I guess there is a glass ceiling for the men for this oh-so-important job. 

By the way, I found a stat that says ESPN sideline reporters average about $600K per year!  Are you f**king kidding me?  Let’s add up the time and dollars.  They are probably on air maybe 10 minutes a game.  Let’s say they do 100 different games a year.  At ten minutes a game that’s 1000 minutes a year or 16.6 hours a year.  I refuse to count their travel time since they are usually in first class and at a Ritz Carlton.  Let’s double the games to 200 and the minutes to 2000 33+ hours a year.  Oh hell let’s go crazy and say they worked 300 games a year at 10 minutes a game.  That becomes…drum roll…that’s 50 hours a year.  That works out to $12,000 per hour at for an ESPN reporter.  Now just add their additional time and money for being on Dancing With the Stars and well, you see where this is going.

So Erin Andrews (ESPN queen of sideline reporting, DWTS and sleazy videos) is making at least $12,000 an hour enchanting us with her nasal voice and completely vacuous “reporting.”   

In an economy with lots of unemployment and belt-tightening going on everywhere I say get rid of the sideline reporters.  And by the way give the saved money to a worthy cause like higher teacher salaries.

Reality TV next.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Tim Doke on January 13, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Jan – Couldn’t agree more. I’ve already dumped Facebook because its security sucks. I have tried to use Twitter, but find it pointless. Linked In is almost as pointless. I’m deactivating my Twitter account today. Thanks for the nudge.


  2. I haven’t weaned myself from FB yet largely because it’s how I find out what the boys are up to. But yeah I really don’t get Twitter.


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