The Wand Song

The holiday travel season is in full swing.   And that means the legendary TSA — those folks who put the fun into airport security — are amping up their full-body scanners and are ready to probe away.  Millions of folks are being subjected to pat downs in ways I could never even do in the back seat of my Chevy in high school.  So,  I thought it would be appropriate to have something  to sing as you are submitting to the wand.

Here then is the TSA anthem, which can be sung to the music of The Beatles’ I’m Looking Through You.  If you sing this during the scan it is sure to get you a pat down.  Travel safely.

The Wand Song

I’m looking through you, what do I see?
I think I caught you, what can it be?
You don’t look different, but something changed…
I’m looking through you, you’re not the same.

Your hips are moving, I need a beer.
Your voice is soothing, I should not leer.
You don’t sound different, but you’re not the same…
I need to pat you — this ain’t a game!

Why, tell me why, are you so uptight?
My gloved hand’s disappearing where there’s no light!

You’re thinking of me, in a mean, bad way.
You were happy yesterday, but not today.
The only difference is you’re getting x-rayed here…
I’m looking through you — you’ve much to fear!

Why, tell me why are you so uptight?
My glove is sanitized so relax, this will feel alright!

I’m looking through you, from high to low.
I think I see some, some hidden blow.
Now I must pat you down
To uncover what the x-ray found!

I’m looking through you, both young and old.
My wand is ready — a thing to behold!
I hope to find something good or bad,
I’m looking through you, and you’ve been had!


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