How I Celebrate Birth Day

For those of you living under a rock, today is Birth Day. (Not to be confused with that copycat Earth Day.)  It is the one day each year we get to smugly let others know we are natural-born citizens.  That’s right.  And I have the birth certificate to prove it. 

Yesterday, in anticipation of today’s festivities I went to my bank safe deposit box and got my actual birth certificate — not a copy.  Too many people out there are running around with forgeries claiming citizenship.  I’m sick and tired of these feriners claiming they were born here.  Next thing you know they will want to run for office and we will end up having some lackey of a foreign government taking over.

You can go to the Birther website to get the straight story about what happens when somebody like you-know-who lies about his birth certificate.  Please ignore all the typos, I was in a hurry to get this important information up and didn’t do the spelchek thing.  And I put up a link to worldnetdaily which has loads of good information about these liars in public office who are demeaning our constitootsinal rights.

In case you don’t have time to get all the facts,  I will just tell you that you-know-who is actually a citizen of Kenya.  That’s right.  It’s pretty insidious and scary to think that we are probably going to become a colony of Kenya.  After all, you’ve seen how they dominate marathons haven’t you?  I mean, the last 40 winners of the Boston Marathon are Kenyans.  Think about that.  In Kenya they’ve taken away cars and buses and paved roads and make everybody run everywhere.  It’s how they control people.  They are so tired they really can’t do much.  I mean I don’t know any marathon runners who are very successful… think about it.

Anyhoo, I’m getting off track here.  I want to let you know how I’m celebrating Birth Day and maybe you can too.

1. I will watch Jon Stewart’s take on birthers here.

2.  I will listen to “Born In the USA” all day long.

3.  I will drive my car (none of that ride-a-bike b.s. for me) 26.5 miles.

4.  I will report my neighbor to the INS because she has some kind of an accent and there’s no way she could be a citizen.

5.  I will start a petition to get Washington state to require everybody to prove they are natural-born citizens.  Look at how great Arizona is doing with making sure that anybody who runs for office has to have a birth certificate.  Oh, and I love how they are going after the Latino/Hispanic (what’s p.c.?) people and they can ask them anytime, anyplace to prove their citizenship.  I think we should do that in Washington state to get rid of all the Canadians who are infiltrating and pretending to be citizens.  I mean that’s really scary because they’re all white and they sound like Americans unless you listen really closely.  Oops, getting off track again.  That will be the subject of an upcoming post.

6.  I will hang out at the grocery store and brag out about my natural born-ness.  I think it makes sense to do it in the organic food section… natural born citizen, natural foods — get it?  It’s a two-fer for me.  Eat the right food, be the right citizen. 

 7.  I will ask everybody I see today if they were born in the USA.   And to show proof.

I’m proud to call myself a citizen.  And I can prove it.


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