Me and Mike

Steele (L) bustin' a move for the GOP

Yesterday I got a letter from my old buddy Michael Steele.   Yeah, that Mike… the hipster running the Republican National Committee. (Run-RNC)  I love Mike.  I mean you gotta love a guy who wants to bring the street back to the elephants. (“I want to give the Republicans a hip-hop makeover. That’s how I roll.”)  I hadn’t heard from Mike in a long time. Like never.  But he personally reached out to me because he wants me to “stand with the Republican Party in the November election.”

Apparently he and the elephants need to “raise $3.2 million in the next 30 days.”  Mike told me in his wonderful and heartfelt letter that the strength of the Party “comes from people like you who believe in our values and ideals and promote them within their communities.” 

I was touched.  I mean it wasn’t too long ago that Mike was quoted in the press saying:  “Trust me, after taxes, a million dollars is not a lot of money.”  He’s right.  Now that the recession is over we can do way better than a million bucks.  It’s so little money, you can’t even call it bling.

Getting down with Mike is always special.  Ever since he became head of the Run-RNC he has made me proud to be an American.  Remember when he said, “I’m the gift that keeps on giving.”?  Well, now I can return the favor and help him out. 

Besides sending him money I get to join the GOP Identification Club by filling out the form below.  When I check the right box (and we all know which one) that means I pledge to vote with the Republicans in the mid-term elections.  How cool is that?  I get to be an official member of the Run-RNC club and hang with my bro Mike “Master Blaster” Steele. 

It seems that Mike and rest of the GOP gangstas are gonna get down in November and bring a serious hurt to the “radical leftist agenda” and make sure the elephant posse is right with the people. 

Mike made it clear that those donkeys have really  f***ed up our s**t.  In his personal letter to me (he ended it with “sincerely”) he said that the country has “shed 3.3 million jobs since Obama took office, unemployment has soared to 10 percent, and the security of our nation has been seriously called into question.”

That reminds me, I need to ask Master Blaster about the 11. 6 million who were unemployed before the Barack-ster got the gig.  I mean, I know that had to be because of the donkey bitches who figured out some way to f**k all of us over even thought they weren’t the majority… I just need to know how they did it.  We could learn from them.

Mike has really set me straight.  I used to think that I would only vote on issues and disregard the political party.  I always hated being labeled a D or an R.  I somehow thought that I should be represented by folks who were in touch and engaged with me and everybody else.  I laughed at people who wanted to be called a Democrat or a Republican.  I was proud to be an Independent.  (Probably something I picked up from that pesky Declaration of Independence.)

But now that Mike wrote to me personally, the game has changed.  He needs me and my money.  And I want to get straight with Mike.


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